I drove back to that same Goodwill I spoke about in a previous entry, and managed to find three more CD’s worth buying:

This sampler has songs from Front Line Assembly, Controlled Bleeding, Delerium, Eden, and more. I knew about 5 of the bands on there, and this seemed like a rare find, so I figured it was more than worth the $2.

I love this group, so this was a no-brainer. Their most popular song was “Dirt”, which is on this album.

One of the sexiest women on Earth. Seriously. And her voice? To die for. Check her out, especially when she sings in Arabic. *melts*

I got some bad news today, though. Seems that if I want to stay in this apartment, I need to pay 60 more dollars a month. YEA. $895 for a mediocre apartment that’s right next to a FUCKING SWAMP. They can call it a “nature reserve” all they want, but if it smells like a swamp and it looks like a swamp… So Audi, who has at long last decided he wants to stay with me, is now going to work with me so we can decide whether or not we want to fork over $895 a month for the next year… OR find a new apartment in a better neighborhood and pay the same price or similar. Decisions, decisions.

Around 7:00, he asked me if I wanted to go to Home Depot with him, and I said sure. He and I hadn’t gone out anywhere together for a while. So, I took the opportunity, even if it was just to Home Depot. XD. After we finished there, I asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner. He was all for it, and asked what I was in the mood for. After some discussing and deliberating, we agreed on Outback Steakhouse. I figured this would be a good way to help lift his spirits: by giving him food he loves. Haha. Dinner was pretty normal, and after we got back home, I got on the PS3 and started playing Playstation Home. LOL ADDICTED. Right now, he’s on the PS3 playing Naruto: Ninja Storm. Haha. An 8 year old trapped in a 30-year-old body. XD

Anyway, I am off to get some rest. Ciao!

Audi, Entertainment, Fun, Life, Love albums, apartment, Audi, dinner, goodwill, Music, outback steakhouse, rent

The good news is: I got a raise. Yep, my boss said he noticed I’d been working really hard lately and that I earned it. What he doesn’t know is the reason why I had been working so hard. Not only did I have to spend $700 to fix my car, the next day I had to put up half the rent. I was left with $26 in my bank account. Granted, this job pays every week so I am assured my balance won’t stay that low for too long. Within a day, I had $400 again. Still, that was painful to look at. Here I am working a 9-to-5, that extends into overtime hours a lot, and I just barely paid my dues. It’s depressing. Thankfully, that raise will help a lot. A LOT.

The bad news: Audi still wants to leave Florida. He and I had a HUGE talk about it yesterday. I told him, “I can’t leave Florida. Not right now. I have a solid job where my boss just gave me a raise, and I could possibly be earning more in the future. I can’t afford to lose this job just because I’ll be trying to decide where I’m gonna live in the next 2 months.” He agreed with that, but still said he wanted to leave.

I told him he needs to seriously think about it more. A LOT MORE. Yes, I was pissed. It’s not fair that I need to uproot my life, a life I need at the time, just because he doesn’t like Florida. I don’t like Florida, either. But now is not the right time for me to leave. If he decides to leave me here with this apartment, fine. But he needs to seriously consider what he’s leaving behind: a woman that loves him that has put up with his mood swings, has stuck around despite his multiple break-ups with her, and has never asked for anything other than his love.

Amongst a lot of other things, I told him, “Do you think another woman is going to have the same patience as me?” to which he replied, “What makes you think there would be any other woman?”… Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure how to take that. Does that mean he feels he won’t be able to get another girlfriend? Or that he thinks I’m the one? I don’t know. I’m still trying process it.

There was a lot of crying, a lot of anger, and a lot of comforting. If nothing else, I am grateful that Audi is a REAL man when it comes to treating me well. He doesn’t just bail on me or act like I’m a leper whenever I feel sad. After all of that, he said he would think about it more. I told him, “You know, this little shithole apartment may not be much, but at least you have a place to come home to with a  woman that loves you.” He said, “I know.”

*sigh* TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Anyway, I’m off to work today. Need those extra hours, ya know! After that, I’ll be heading over to my cousin’s house since my parents are coming up from Miami. I’ll also be working tomorrow (Sunday) and after that, I’ll hopefully be hanging out with my neighbors to celebrate 4th of July. I hope.

Ciao!

Audi, Family, Friends, Job, Life, Rants apartment, Audi, florida, Job, raise

Yea, it seems we have a lot of stuff coming in the mail lately. Here’s a quick rundown of all the stuff we ordered: A flat-screen TV (and since we ordered this particular TV, we get an X-Box arcade system with it for free), our Dyson vacuum cleaner, a Sony sound bar for the TV, a PS3 gaming bundle, and (if the vendor ever decides to actually send my item) my aknh ring that I ordered on Ebay. I can at least be absolutely sure the other items will be coming in, since we bought them all from reputable places. My ring has somehow mysteriously disappeared in the mail TWICE, and it pisses me off. I know I only spent 16 bucks on it, but I had been waiting for that ring to become available for months. =/ It’s very disappointing. I’ve contacted the seller several times and plan to take it up with eBay if he doesn’t come through.

Dustin needs my help again at World Atlantic Airlines, and I’m trying my damnedest to avoid driving to Miami as much as possible. I DO NOT want to spend the week with my parents again. The whole point of moving out was to STAY OUT, not keep going back every month. Oy. So, right now, Dustin and I are in the process of setting up a server online that I can log into so that I can work remotely from home. I really hope we can get it to work, because if worse comes to worst, I may HAVE to drive down. Audi and I need that income badly, so I’ll have to suck it up and deal with it if I can’t work from home. =/

I got really sick yesterday, ended up puking my brains out. I don’t know why I got sick. Neither Audi or I can explain it, since we both know the dinner I made was well cooked. But a few hours after dinner, I started getting that bad feeling in my chest. I took a shower, hoping it would make me feel better, but no dice. Finally, I stopped fighting it and just let it happen. I still had a stomach ache the rest of the night and most of today, but I definitely felt better after puking. Isn’t that amazing? Puking sucks SO MUCH, but after we do it, we feel so much better. Quite odd this body of human is, hmm?

Anyway, I don’t have much else to report, so for now… Ciao.

Audi, Entertainment, Job, Life ankh ring, apartment, Audi, packages, ps3, tv, xbox

I love living with Audi. Every day, I am so grateful to be here, away from the stress that was plaguing my life before. As I mentioned in my last entry, I went to Miami for a week to work with Dustin at World Atlantic Airlines. Well, at first I was dreading going back, simply because I had a feeling of what the week would be like. My instincts proved to be correct.

First, I’d like to mention that my mother was feeling very bad on Sunday when I got to Miami. We found out about two days later that she had a clot in one of her arteries: Hence, she had suffered a mild heart attack. She turned out just fine, thank goodness, but they sure made certain not to let me forget that she “almost died” whenever I needed a guilt trip. Whenever either of them started grating my nerves, and I acted accordingly, one or the other would bring up that I don’t care about them, about how she “almost died”. It got especially bad on Friday.

Audi’s sister had told him about a place where we could get fish for really cheap. The only problem was that it came in somewhat big boxes: think Costco style. So, I bought them on Friday during my lunch break and headed over to my parents’ place. In the process of trying to fit the boxes in the freezer, my mother tells both my father and I to shut up and let her do it. I tell her that I have an idea too, and I asked, “Don’t you want to hear my idea?” She, of course, says… No.  I get even more frustrated. They, in turn, got more frustrated with me. My mother walks off, pissed off that we didn’t do things her way. Long story short (too late!), she storms off, my father yells at me that I don’t care about how my mother “almost died” this week. I do care, of course. I don’t need it rubbed in my face with every disagreement or fight, though. So, I yell at my father to go sit down and let me finish putting the boxes in myself.

He goes, sits with my mother, and says out loud, “She’s such an actress”…. That was the last straw for me. My mother is the BIGGEST actress you’ve ever seen. This woman should have won at least 10 Emmys by now. I lost it. I stormed over to them and said, “How dare you call me an actress? She’s the biggest one of all. All she ever does is throw guilt trips on me whenever we fight or she disagrees with something I do. And then you wonder why I left in the first place? I’m just letting you know right now, I’m leaving tomorrow.  Good luck seeing me again after that.” I went back to work, and things went as they normally do there. I made plans with my friend Chris, so that I wouldn’t have to see them at all that evening. I figured I’d get home when they were already in bed.

They must have thought I was kidding about leaving a day earlier than I had planned to. I wasn’t.

Saturday morning… I wake up to find out my family, who had said they were going to come down to see me, weren’t going to come at all. Great. I got out of bed and got dressed for nothing. Oh well. Around 1:30 I went to visit Audi’s mom and niece, since they had been asking Audi about me. I played Wii with Mina, his niece, and his mom made me an awesome lunch; a better one than I think my own mother would have.

Around 3:30, I left there, went back to my parent’s place… and proceeded to pack up the car. My parents helped me pack up the car a bit, but it was mostly me since I didn’t want their help, to be honest. My mother, in her usual fashion, put on a sad face, gave me a hug, and told me she loved me. Her typical way of apologizing without ever having to soil her lips with the words, “I’m sorry.” I didn’t buy it, and I almost never do.

I drove off, and I’ve been ecstatic since. I’m so grateful for that week I spent with them, because it truly helped me open my eyes. I thought I was going to feel sad or nostalgic about moving away. But now? I can honestly say it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Audi, Family, Life apartment, Audi, fight, Life, parents

It’s been an uphill battle sometimes, but I’m still very happy. I was once in a situation where it felt like I was in a constant state of stress. If I said the wrong thing, or said something in what was considered an “unkind” tone, I was called mean, ungrateful, stupid, and so on. If I gave an attitude, they would ask me why I treated them that way. Despite the fact that I learned that behaviour directly from them, and I made sure to remind them of that, it made no difference. It was my friends who made me that way. Or they would talk about how I “would never treat my friends this way!” I would find personal items missing, only to have them miraculously return a few days later.

That doesn’t happen here. If Audi and I have an argument, and it makes me cry, he doesn’t ignore it, or pretend that I’m just being dramatic. I have no need to be stressed out here. I know that he wil respect my space, and not use my things without permission. I know that he and I can resolve any argument within 20 minutes of it ending. I don’t have to hear that I’m ungrateful or mean or anything else. I don’t have to hear about he’s the “breadwinner” and that he’s the one paying the bills, because we both pay them… And my help is appreciated.

I can finally live by my own rules, since I live in my own house. I can breathe, and not worry about feeling suffocated. I can be free to enjoy my time with Audi, without worrying about curfews. The money I earn at work will now mean something. I can live, and not be held back by centuries-old ideals that don’t apply in this day and age.

I’m living, and I’m very grateful…

Audi, Family, Life apartment, Audi, Family, New York

I’m sitting in MY living room, wearing my skull-covered bathrobe, writing a blog entry on my iPhone, and listening to Corey Hart.

Enough said.

Audi, Life, Love apartment, Audi, Jupiter, moving

I couldn’t be happier at the moment. We were approved! Not only that, but they told us we didn’t need to put anything else in! Hooray! Basically, all we have to pay now is the first month’s rent. =D At the moment, I’m on the train, heading up to Jupiter so that I can take out the money and pay.

Oh, and I’m writing this entry with my iPhone WordPress app. I am not sure how long I will be without internet access after I move, but at least my iPhone will allow me to keep this blog updated.

I’m going to come back down to Miami later on this afternoon so that I can start packing my things. Man, it’s bittersweet in a way, but I’m well aware that I can’t live in that house anymore. I have nothing but stress there, and the good moments are few and far between.

So, let me end this here. I shall keep you posted. Ciao!

Audi, Life apartment, Audi, moving

…another one opens. That statement may very well ring true soon. After a late night visit to where we were originally going to get an apartment, we realized there were more minuses than pluses. We noticed that there was hardly any parking where our apartment would have been. The closest parking we found would have equaled living on one block and parking your car on the next one. We also read in a review that the walls are REALLY thin, and the neighbors can hear all your business. Audi and I both value our privacy; what happens in our space is our business. The list goes on but you get the idea.

After going to about 7 different places today, we wanted to call it quits and just hire a realtor to help us find apartments. But THEN! We got a call from the first place we looked at together two days ago. The guy told us that one of the previous applicants didn’t qualify, and asked if we were still interested. We said yes, and thus began the mad dash to finish the applications. Once we did that, we had to drive to the bank to take out money for the deposit. I took out the money in one bank, only to remember it had to be a monry order or check after we started driving away. So, we had to go to another bank (same branch) to exchange the money for a money order. Finally we get to the place, the guy was waiting for us, and we turned in the applications and the deposit. Now we have to wait until they notify us on Monday if we’re approved or not.

What a crazy fucking week this has been! Hopefully, though, everything will work out in our favor. If it does and we’re approved, then he and I can move in next week. It’s funny because… If I hadn’t stayed an extra day, I wouldn’t have been able to fill out the application and get the apartment with Audi. Fancy that!!

Anyway, I’ll keep you all updated. Ciao!

Audi, Life apartment, Audi, west palm beach