A quick update on what’s been happening lately…

• One of my co-workers was fired. Apparently while I was busting my hump at work, doing what one is supposed to be doing (you know, working), he was visiting personal websites, doing research on rents in other states, and (to my knowledge) chatting up his girlfriend on the web, all on company time. Mind you, this is just the little I was told. There might have been a lot more he was doing that none of us were aware of, but yea… that pissed me off to all hell. I come to work to friggin’ WORK. I need this paycheck, but apparently he didn’t need it that badly since he didn’t seem to take the job very seriously at all. The funniest thing was that when he first started, I started to feel like they valued him more, even though I had been there longer. LOL.

• Audi finally did remove his name from the lease. Yea… Whatever. I guess we’ll just have to see how long this relationship lasts, huh? *sigh* Lately I’ve been feeling like he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like he’s avoiding me, and even though he says he’s not (the few times I’ve brought it up), the distance he’s giving me is loud and fucking clear. For example, right now he’s gonna go clean one of his old rims (in an effort to make it more salable). But why is he doing that NOW? When I’m home? And I need HIM? He can’t do that during the day when I’m at work (earning a fucking living, by the way)? He has to do it now when I’m here and obviously in need of some TLC? UGH. It pisses me off that even with saying it out loud, he just doesn’t get it. Am I constantly doomed to want my partner more than my partner wants me?

• Ballistic Publishing finally notified me about my copy of Exposè 8. I’ll be getting it in the mail in early September. I’m very excited about this, since being printed in this book is a VERY big deal.

• I got my cartilage pierced as well. And unfortunately, since I simply did not know any better, I got it done at Claire’s. This is apparently a very very VERY big No-No. I found out after the fact that the piercing guns they use cannot be sterilized completely, and that the harsh jerking action of the gun itself could cause nerve damage. Ugh. So yea… lesson learned the hard way. Here’s to hoping I was one of the lucky ones and I don’t have any complications. Well, I should say, any MORE complications. For about a week, I thought my left ear might have gotten infected. But the swelling and redness eventually went away with some Wound Wash Saline and heat compress TLC. Right now, all four new piercings are behaving nicely and look like they’re healing properly. *fingers crossed* I’m planning on getting two more lobe piercings, right above the other two, on my birthday. But this time, I’ll be doing it with a PROFESSIONAL piercer and not at fucking Claire’s. I don’t know if I’ll be getting anymore. I’ve been thinking of getting my right eyebrow, but we’ll see about that.

• I’m absolutely IN LOVE with my new car. So far, everything has gone smoothly with the paperwork and red tape surrounding the owning of this new car. Since my mom works for Liberty Mutual, she was able to guide me in all the necessary insurance paperwork, and one of her co-workers was kind enough to handle all my paperwork. I’m going from no payments on my car, to a helluva alot of payments. Haha. Well, it’s not so bad, really. I’m paying $227 monthly for the car, and about $180 monthly for the insurance. Now… off to make it my own. I’m trying to find something cute and VERY lightweight to hang from the rear view mirror. In my T-Bird, I had a little plush bunny rabbit finger puppet, but I left that behind with the car. As much as it pained me to do so, I had to. That, along with the car itself, brought back too many memories of the past. I need to move forward and not look back. I’ll probably go to Walmart or Target tomorrow and see if I can find anything. I did manage to buy a sun visor for the front windshield today, though.

I can’t really think of anything else to discuss. *sigh* I’m gonna go vent my frustrations by killing some demons in Devil May Cry 4.

Ciao!

Art, Audi, Family, Job, Life, Rants Audi, ballistic, cartilage, cobalt, contest, ignored, iPad, lease, lunarpages, piercings, work

Normally, I do not write reviews about movies, but this movie is just SO BAD, it needs a thorough ass-reaming from yours truly.

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

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Entertainment, Rants 2012, apocalypse, movie

The good news is: I got a raise. Yep, my boss said he noticed I’d been working really hard lately and that I earned it. What he doesn’t know is the reason why I had been working so hard. Not only did I have to spend $700 to fix my car, the next day I had to put up half the rent. I was left with $26 in my bank account. Granted, this job pays every week so I am assured my balance won’t stay that low for too long. Within a day, I had $400 again. Still, that was painful to look at. Here I am working a 9-to-5, that extends into overtime hours a lot, and I just barely paid my dues. It’s depressing. Thankfully, that raise will help a lot. A LOT.

The bad news: Audi still wants to leave Florida. He and I had a HUGE talk about it yesterday. I told him, “I can’t leave Florida. Not right now. I have a solid job where my boss just gave me a raise, and I could possibly be earning more in the future. I can’t afford to lose this job just because I’ll be trying to decide where I’m gonna live in the next 2 months.” He agreed with that, but still said he wanted to leave.

I told him he needs to seriously think about it more. A LOT MORE. Yes, I was pissed. It’s not fair that I need to uproot my life, a life I need at the time, just because he doesn’t like Florida. I don’t like Florida, either. But now is not the right time for me to leave. If he decides to leave me here with this apartment, fine. But he needs to seriously consider what he’s leaving behind: a woman that loves him that has put up with his mood swings, has stuck around despite his multiple break-ups with her, and has never asked for anything other than his love.

Amongst a lot of other things, I told him, “Do you think another woman is going to have the same patience as me?” to which he replied, “What makes you think there would be any other woman?”… Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure how to take that. Does that mean he feels he won’t be able to get another girlfriend? Or that he thinks I’m the one? I don’t know. I’m still trying process it.

There was a lot of crying, a lot of anger, and a lot of comforting. If nothing else, I am grateful that Audi is a REAL man when it comes to treating me well. He doesn’t just bail on me or act like I’m a leper whenever I feel sad. After all of that, he said he would think about it more. I told him, “You know, this little shithole apartment may not be much, but at least you have a place to come home to with a  woman that loves you.” He said, “I know.”

*sigh* TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Anyway, I’m off to work today. Need those extra hours, ya know! After that, I’ll be heading over to my cousin’s house since my parents are coming up from Miami. I’ll also be working tomorrow (Sunday) and after that, I’ll hopefully be hanging out with my neighbors to celebrate 4th of July. I hope.

Ciao!

Audi, Family, Friends, Job, Life, Rants apartment, Audi, florida, Job, raise

As if things couldn’t be more fucking hectic and frantic and crazy and every other synonym I could think of, now I need to spend another $700 on my car to fix it. I understand what needs to be fixed and they are things that desperately need to be fixed. But shit, why now when our lease is almost up and the hubby still hasn’t decided what the hell he wants to do; renew the lease or put our things in storage and have us move in with relatives until we move out of Florida? What the hell, man… Now, when I finally have a job that seems stable and is paying me good money, he wants to leave. What. The. HELL. I’m so close to telling him, “I’m renewing the lease, you’re welcome to stay here with me if you like…” It’s not fair to me that now I’m bringing in the bulk of our income and he wants to hightail it out of Florida. One more year wouldn’t kill him, and it would give us time to save up money and move out next year! And not just move out to some shithole, but get us an actual house for cheap (because really, anywhere is cheaper than Florida LOL).

On a lighter note, I went out Saturday night to Ft. Lauderdale to see my ex-boyfriend Eddy’s band Dissever play at the Monterey Club. I was originally going to go with my next door neighbor, but she bailed on me. And of course, Audi the homebody didn’t want to go out anywhere. So, I ended up going by myself. And I am quite glad I did. I got to meet up with Eddy (whom I hadn’t seen in years) and it felt great to re-connect with him, since I’ve known him for almost 10 years. I even bought a Dissever t-shirt and was offered a micro-brewed beer by Dissever’s manager. Sweet.

Right now, I’m on my lunch break, taking the time to write in my blog since it seems I never have time to do so anymore… except when I have something to bitch about. Oh, snap. I guess this is one of those times, eh?

Oh, but I do have some more good news. I don’t believe I’ve mentioned this in my blog, but one of my artworks was chosen to be printed in Ballistic Publishing‘s upcoming book Exposé. This is a very big deal; this book is one of the biggest digital art books in the world, and is seen by big name artists, companies, producers, etc etc. Here’s to hoping this publication will get me some much needed attention.

Anyway, back to work now. Still have a lot of stuff to finish today. Yay. Ciao!

Audi, Fun, Job, Life, Rants ballistic publishing, car, concert, dissever, live show, repairs, work

I have to wonder sometimes why certain things happen the way they do. Obviously, life cannot be planned for 100%. Things will happen that you don’t expect, or things that you do expect will fail to happen… and then there’s those times where you should have expected it, and were too blinded by good faith and prospect to realize, you should have known better.

In this case, I should have known better.

Tell me, what was the point in trying? What exactly was the point in me putting myself out there and offering myself if you were just going to spit in my face and tell me, “No”? I’m not mad at the innocent parties who had no say; I’m mad at the system. Yes, system, I’m talking to you. You portray yourself as a democracy at times, and a dictatorship in others. I wouldn’t be feeling cheated right now if it had been done by the book. But you, system, have played a dirty trick on an anxious and now heartbroken soul. I feel lied to, and slightly betrayed.

But wait, here comes the inevitable  backlash for speaking one’s mind. It’s not easy for me to hide my true feelings behind a mask, and pretend everything is OK. But in order to display a sense of dignity and maturity to an audience that expects it of me, I am required to smile, nod, and act complacent. Do I really want to act this way? No. It is, however, also inevitable that the moment a voice speaks out from the crowd, the curses and hisses arise from those who don’t believe in what you believe. These are the masses that will spit at you, sneer in your face, tell you that you’re “sucking on sour grapes”… all in the name of speaking out against a seemingly corrupt and unfair system.

And yet, through all this, I still choose to be part of this system. Why? Because I, like many others, hold onto hope. Hope is the one thing that keeps me moving. I have always been an optimist, even when I was sinking with no one to reach out a hand and pull me out of the murk. I will continue to hope that this system will eventually do what it should and follow the path they claim to follow. I can only hope that time will heal these wounds; this shattered pride, this damaged ego, and this broken heart. I can only hope that if I wait long enough…

Everything will be all right.

Rants corrupt, lies, system, unfair

This is something I need to get out, simply because, if I don’t, I just might get a brain hemorrhage and pass out.

Digital art is like any other skill: it takes a lot of time, a lot of practice, and a lot of dedication. It’s not something that anyone can just pick up after five minutes of tinkering with Photoshop or Illustrator. There are two and four year schools dedicated to the study of Digital Art, both as a technical skill and as a historical exploration. There are galleries and museums that document the growth of Electronic Media, Video Art, Digital Art, 3D animation, and much more. Any TV show, film, video game, commercial, or cartoon you see has a massive team of people, each with a dedicated task, that helped make that piece of footage possible.

So when someone implies to me that Photomanipulation is not that hard, or fix this little thing here, or whip something up, it makes me want to punch myself in the face just so I can go unconscious for a few hours.

I have dedicated 10 years of my life to Digital Art, both the study and practice of it.In fact, my current reading is New Media Art by Reena Jana and Mark Tribe [link] and next, I plan on reading “Art of the Digital Age” by Bruce Wands [link] . During the 8 years (yes, 8 years) that I attended college solely to learn more about Digital Art, I spent every free moment I had outside of college learning about Digital Art. I didn’t stop. I pushed myself all the time, taught myself what my teachers didn’t or couldn’t, and still today, I know I have room for improvement.

It’s difficult to stop people from assuming that because I’m using a mouse and a keyboard, or that I have “undos” and a History feature, that somehow my artwork is less worthy of being considered art. No matter where I go, I run across someone who thinks that because I know Photoshop well, that I can just wave a magic wand and do something in 2 seconds flat. It doesn’t work that way. Even Digital Art requires an idea, a method, trials and tests, and eventually, a solution.

For a long time, I used Photoshop 5.5. If it were up to me, I’d use that for the rest of my life. But ever since my hard drive failed and I started using the company laptop at home, I’ve been using CS4. Apart from a few features that I nodded my head and said, “Neat”, I didn’t do anything any differently than when I had 5.5. Why? Because I pushed myself to learn new and different ways of doing things. If I didn’t have a feature that could do what I wanted, I came up with a new way. I’d try again and again and again until finally I got the result I wanted. This wasn’t a simple process that took me a few hours. I’d sometimes spend a week, almost nonstop, working out how to achieve the look or effect I wanted.

Why did I explain all that? To reiterate my first point: Digital art is like any other skill: it takes a lot of time, a lot of practice, and a lot of dedication.

I wrote a Tweet recently where I stated, “I want a one woman show during Art Basel. I want to make digital art museum-worthy. I want it all. And I’m gonna make it fucking happen.”

I especially meant that second line. I want to make Digital Art museum-worthy. And yes, I’m gonna make it fucking happen.

Thank you.
*steps off soapbox*

Art, Life, Rants Art, digital art, photomanipulation

Yes, today was one of those days. You know, the kind of day that is just endless excitement, chaos, and hilarity from morning to night? Yea, the kind of day where you’ve facepalmed yourself so much you might just end up unconscious.

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Art, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Job, Life, Rants birds, doctor, miami, parents, stomachache, trip, vomiting, weekend, work

It seems that fate has a wonderful sense of humor. Apparently, things were going too well for fate’s taste, so it felt the need to sprinkle a little shit on my epic ice cream sundae.

My hard drive failed. At first, I thought it was just my computer being overloaded with activity, and getting a bit frozen (ah, gotta love PCs!). But no, turns out the hard drive finally decided to retire. So, I’m just gonna try to salvage the few files I’d created in the short time since the re-format, and then just buy a new hard drive. I’d rather buy a new hard drive rather than a new tower, since I’d rather have Windows XP and not Windows 7. However, hopefully with this new job, I’ll be able to buy myself a Mac instead. We’ll see.

I’m definitely not as stressed out as I was during my last computer troubles. This is more of an annoyance than anything else (currently typing this on my iPhone’s WordPress app, btw).

Anyway, here’s to hoping I get a comp again some time soon. Ciao!

Life, Rants computer, hard drive, movies